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Ending 18 - The Largest Potato in the World!

one.gif (80 bytes) By Nil Bogg

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  Age: 34

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Farmer Joe was the best potato farmer in all of the state of Idaho, maybe the best in the whole world.  He took pride in his work and did the best he could to grow the best and healthiest potatoes.  He picked the best potatoes to plant, and made sure to give them the freshest water and nutrients.  He made sure to clean them from pests, with a lot of work and as little harmful pesticides as possible.

At harvest time, farmer Joe would spend his time making sure that his potatoes were ploughed out of the ground in a proper way so that they wouldn't get bruised or damaged.  This season was a great season, lots of water and sunshine, great weather, and very little pests or insects.  Farmer Joe was looking forward to a great potato crop.

Farmer Joe and his workers had a great potato crop but they were not done yet.  There was a big patch of land that was so hard that the plough was not able dig it up.  So farmer Joe decided to leave it till the next day. 

The next day farmer Joe went to check that stubborn patch of dirt, but when he stuck his shovel into it, he discovered that it was ONE BIG potato that was covering the whole spot.  This must be the biggest potato in the world he thought.   He had to sit and think of a way to get it out.  But how when he knew that this potato was bigger than a truck?! 
Farmer Joe knew it was not going to be easy, but he had an idea.  He decided to start by...

... ordering a crate full of weasels from Sears.  Then he taunted the weasels, saying to them "You are the silliest weasels I have ever seen!  I bet you are so silly, you can't even eat that giant potato that's out there in my field!  Ha!"  Then farmer Joe released the weasels, hoping that they would be so angry that they would rush out into the field and eat the potato all up just to prove that he was wrong about them, and that they weren't silly weasels, but actually very smart weasels. 

But the thing farmer Joe forgot is that weasels don't speak English.  So, the whole time he was taunting them, they were just wiggling around inside their crate thinking, "What's that guy saying?   I can't understand it."  Of course, they didn't think in English either, but in their own special weasel language. 

Anyhoo... the weasels all ran into the wilderness never to be seen again.  So farmer Joe just said, "Oh,well.  I'll just blow that thing up!"  And that's exactly what he did.  He blew up the potato.   With explosives. 

Copyright 2000 Goodnight Stories

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